wife versus awek.

hello. sorry been busy with PMR that i can hardly focus on my blogging activity. lame kan... but got no choice. *sigh.

today i had a great start with mr. hubby. i woke up early on weekends and the morning seems to be NICE when suddenly something popped out on the tv. it's about a place and he asked me to guess where is it. sumpah i hate this kind of playing so dia bagi jawapan - PENANG. and he told me he went there with his friend...

i do not know what the heck is on my mind. i terus TERtanya - "have you been to penang with your ex?". paused then he answered - "yup". terus my facial expression berubah but i tried to fake my smile. then tanya lagi "gi mana? gi mana?". "ah sudah la malas nak ingat cerita lama". FUCK - dalam hati cakap.

5 years of study made me familiar Penang so well even abah will refer to me for directions. and i know how do people spent time in penang - alah biasa lah. date tepi pantai kat bt.ferringgi or gurney drive or queensbay. jalan-jalan kat mall. night market kat batu ferringgi beli dvd pirate. such a nice place to date and make love. penang is always my favourite. tapi since kenal till kawin sumpah never stepped to that lovely island kecuali masa kursus menanda SPM haritu. because he never wanted to. we planned but the plan always kandas. benci dol. 

tetiba terpacul dari mulut without insurance ni - "abg tak penah bawak ayg. kalau ayg nak gi mcm2 alasan". "nnt la abg bawak. we have to save up for the baby". nanti for the i-don't-know-how-many times. double FUCK dalam hati. balik balik baby jugak jadi reason why we can't be like before. why? baby's coming. i know but why not spend some to embrace love? 

while i was taking my bath all i think was that piece of shit. and i started to realise how syiok it is to be somebody's gf. boleh jalan sana jalan sini cuma takleh peluk2 and hold hands but nowadays people don't care about it anymore. lepas kawin the central activity will always be - staying at home. masak. makan sama. tidur. bangun. makan. tv. tido. LAME siak. kalau keluar pun gi tesco beli asam jawa; ikan bilis; bawang; and sabun then balik i have to cook. booo... where was wayang; date at teluk batik sambil makan satay ikan; zooing etc?

never want to complain about household chores tapi as a wife i wish i will have the similar treatment masa kita belum kawin dulu. kenapa lepas kawin mesti change and when baby comes; the world has to turn 360 degrees? i know i could never go back to the virgin moments when i was freehair and carefree. but to keep the flame of love kenapa takleh keep up the way the love ignite on the first place? 

asyik grumble. i know i didn't get any single thing out of it. but i can't help it to be this emo when my baby is kicking me from the inside and i am currently having silent war with him. saturday feels like monday. full of blues. damn it.

kawin dulu baru tahu

It destroys one's nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being.
- Benjamin Disraeli

yup.it is true. who says that marriage could be forever sweet? hell no! mesti orang tu belum kawin tapi asyik memikirkan tentang a perfect wedding - that she/he will be and somehow will try the hardest to be a perfect partner for her spouse. well siapa tak nak camtu? everybody wants to be happy but life isn't always at the peak of everything at every time. ada masa kita rasa kita dah buat the best tapi things turned out differently.

marriage combines too many things in it. sbb tu marriage for me could be so complicated at times. sometimes bila banyak sangat benda kita nak handle dan jaga we'll lose grip over a few things. mana kan nak juggle dengan diri sendiri dan persekitaran lagi. sebab tu ade married partner akan gaduh over very silly thing basically sebab something yang silly pada you might be something enormous to the other half. complicated sangat nak explain tapi that is what a married couple is facing through out their marriage.

personally my marriage is happy. my husband loves me so much i know and i love him too. but as i said above tak setiap masa kita happy kan. ada masa kita gurau2 and gelak guling2 bersama tapi lepas tu ade blast and we both do not talk for hours. *sigh... at times i just wish i was still his fiancee at this hour because masa bertunang semuanya manis far far better than sugar. tapi bila dah kawin yang manis tu kadang-kadang tak jd manis pun. lagi teruk bila ia bertukar menjadi bunga tahi. *what's bunga tahi? well this is a phrase usually used by my mom and granny yg bermaksud something yg sweet at first tapi jadi buruk at the end. bunga = cantik. tahi = buruk sbb tu bunga dtg dulu sblm tahi.

maybe org akan cakap "sabar weh" tak pun "sapa suh kawin awal" or "relax la takyah pikir." hmm whatever... P. Ramlee once said in his song - "sedangkan lidah lagi tergigit apa pula suami isteri." but korang suka ke kalau tergigit lidah? rasanya best ke macam makan rojak petis? kadang kadang sampai berdarah kot siap lepas tu tumbuh ulcer lagi. ya ya akan baik. nak cepat guna bonjela. tapi in marriage what could be the bonjela? our parents? or perhaps reminiscing the good old days? sometimes it works sometimes it is not - macam bonjela jugak kan. tapi apa pun yang jadi bonjelanya with God's will everything will turn as what He wants it to be. so redha jelah.

tapi ade jugak yang tak guna bonjela eventually the wound akan baik. kuasa Allah. but it takes time. so let the time decides what will happen to us.

1st meeting and date. the day we declared as bf-gf

1st jalan-jalan to zoo. konon nak kenal lebih la.

sedang bercinta. semua manis except bila dia kena pergi sailing.

gambar 1st i gave him and he loves it. masih ada dalam wallet and purse masing masing.

1st sword barrier together @ seri kembangan. on the way nak bertunang sebab lepas habis event ni terus pegi beli cincin tunang and barang-barang hantaran tunang.

the day of CNY 4/2/2011. we were both engaged.

 

kawin day. 

honeymoon

i might need to see this again and again. siapa tahu my heart melt and i'll forget everything. 

goodbye!

Roshida si pekak

today in class i offered to those students : "anyone who can replace the word 'takbir' to an English word; i will not punish you all even if you do mistakes in your essay."

so those students berlumba-lumba bukak kamus oxford besta dan segala yang diaorg ada nak cari the correct word. siap mintak clue segala. and they started to give me all sort of word sampai i rasa mcm kena tembak mesin gun. but poor them they can't read my mind. one told me it's carol. alamak boleh dikatakan betul jugak. so i checked in my phone's dictionary. carol - a song of joy; sang during christmas. *phiew. so with proud feeling i cakap "SALAH!" the morning class sampai sudah tak dapat cari. 

actually the answer that i want is chant. lebih tepat lagi - religious chant.

but during the afternoon class i asked the similar question. tiba-tiba sorang ni answered chanting. i was shocked. cis pandai jugak tapi malangnya salah. sampai sudah none answered chant. and when i told them the exact answer the students were jumping with dissatisfaction. 

betul lah salah. chant is noun - the meaning is zikir/nyanyian/dikir. but chanting is verb - the meaning is perbuatan berzikir/menyanyi/berdikir. they do not mean the same. 

but still ade muka tak puas hati. "we said that la teacher!" and with such a whatever face i said "oh yeah? i taught u for 2 years you should have know that i have problems with my hearing. not just partially deaf but i have too many layers of shawl wrapping my ears. so that's not my fault if i can't hear you..." *gile ego kot.  

moral of the story:

1. jangan melawan daulat seorang guru
2. do not speak like an ant talking to another ant
3. nak jawab sila angkat tangan jangan bombard cikgu with your answer.

mcm ni lah. muka pun confident je nak jawab.

babai!

Bahasa Melayu vs Bahasa Inggeris. hmmmph!

can't sleep last night. and i hate it sebab pagi dah 0645am pun i masih tak bangun bangun padahal baju tak gosok lagi. tapi luckily masa punch ada lagi 3 minutes before the list will get red highlight.

so today i went to 5 AHM rasa lethargic sangat. dah la tak sempat nak photocopy sample essay tp takpelah. 5 AHM is one good class. masuk kelas je alamak.... mana semua marker pen yang baru i beli haritu? nape tinggal 1 je? sengal argh. hmmph hmmph hmmph... takpe takpe hidup mesti diteruskan.

my routine will always be - meja kena clear 1 benda apah pun takleh ade. tapi nape ntah today God must have some plan to play with my boiling point. tiba-tiba i nampak some girls somewhere at the corner and back of the class tengah buat maths. woi! hmmph hmmph hmmph... sabar cikgu sabar... so dari plan nak suh budak buat essay on their own i terus divert plan kepada main quiz sapa tak dapat jawab satu kelas kena denda haaa padan muka hangpa!

and mmg padan muka because some cannot answer my questions. even simple question pun tak dapat paham mmg menyirap je i rasa... so all peeps in the class kena berkerjasama to write a flawless descriptive essay on the whiteboard. dah la marker pen i ade satu je masak lah korang. ada yang tulis sebesar semut api *better than sebesar kutu khinzir. sambil diaorg dok berkerjasama cengkononnye tu i was observing. hmm. nothing change. i see the similar situation i used to see on the year 1999 by that time i was form 1 in MRSM PDRM Kulim. memang tak berubah. so i wonder camnelah nak berubah mentality and performances when it comes to English?

first. hanya orang yang terror BI je yang dok sebok bukak kamus cari perkataan and betulkan grammar kawan kawan diaorg. yang low scorer tu duduk and tengok je. do nothing. woi bajet pandai laa macha! last time when i was a teenager; boys used to hate me tapi bila masa BI i jadi limelight sebab i akan bukak kamus and tolong my friends buat essay or any exercise yang teacher Mard suruh buat... and yes i mmg tolong diaorg. that's the cycle of the world - yang ada keupayaan sepatutnya dimanipulasikan ke tahap maksima. tapi in reality those people are not manipulated well enough. but they keep on doing things that can make themselves better walaupun diaorg sebenarnya dah baik enough.

second. these malaysian second speaker terlalu terbawak-bawak ngan lenggok BM. well some might think that we should think in English therefore we can write good English. however kalau you are still incompetent; thinking in Malay and translate your idea to English is also acceptable. but make sure your sentence is correct so that people can understand your message. the problem with students yang jenis translate ni adalah diaorg mmg pikir dalam BM pastu compute dalam kepala otak diaorang ayat BM yang berpusing berbunga dan berkias kias kononnya nak buat ayat yang sedap la. but at last otak stuck sebab tak tau nak translate perkataan BM tu kepada English. if they know that bombastic word pun tak guna kalau buat direct translation sebab direct translation akan menyebabkan sentence itu jadi tak betul. tu lah masalah with this second language ni.

aisehman it seems to me that today supposed to be such a breezy free day. tapi nape semua orang cari aku ni? halp!

yahoo messenger's bullshit

i screwed up. i started to hate what i have done. and i think this is the moment to really put a stop to it. i am hurting myself and i might hurt some others too. 

my husband is now busy with his job escorting US navy officers along their trip here. for the first time ever we both tak message during the day and earlier part of evening. adoi sumpah i bosan sumpah i bosan. i need u hubby...

nak kurangkan bosan and cengkonon nak buat i lupa that my hubby is too busy not to ignore me; instead of fb-ing ngan blogging i was actually trying to console myself "please la shida tanda lah essay tu banyak lagi kot...."  but donno why la this hati is damn kering i buat bodoh je and terus online. *pfft. so i was thinking ape nak buat eh? fb dah bosan blogging pun dah so tetiba popped out ym. gile. dah almost a year i tak ym u ols. dulu ni lah medium nak in contact with those people yang jauh di mata dekat di hati dan sebagainya bla bla bla. ingat lagi masa duduk meru heights i have no internet connection then curi2 pakai line pakcik kamal umah sebelah semata2 nak chat ngan buat hati PADA MASA ITU. 

tapi pas buah hati dah busuk pastu pokok dah berbuah lain i stop ym-ing. mr hub pulak jenis sms-ing je smpai jari jariku sakit semua kerna bekerja sehari2 *singing to Aishah's song. tp ok lah tak sia sia la i tukar from maxis to celcom pakai prepaid balik mcm zaman sekolah pakai henfon gabak besar mcm walkie talkie. tak sia sia as i am now a proud wife with a getting-bigger-and-bigger tummy. 

but that's not the point. balik ke intro entry ni. ape yg i screwed up? i screwed up sbb i started chatting pastu tetiba boleh plak ter-reminisce kenangan dulu. ciiiiipannnnn-zee. bodoh bodoh bodoh. dislike dislike dislikeee what i've done. i really feel guilty for my husband. and my tummy started to feel painful. maybe anak i pun tak suka what i was doing that time. seriously shida you NEED TO STOP THIS BULL'S POOP. no more next time no moreeee! esok i taknak dah bukak yahoo and all i want to do is menanda kertas sampai gile. 

wish me luck. argh esok meeting pulak nyampah!

*ape entry ni? biol.

babai!

kucing. miaw...

f shit. f shit. f shit! seriously i takut nak tengok this video. yelah kang kenan ke apa pulak *voodoo je. ah.. so what? then suddenly keluar kat bulletin utama yang gov akan amik tindakan. yes padan muka! memang u deserve it la petknode.

erm yup langsung takde kena mengena ngan i i know. in fact ni bukan pet boarding yang jaga our boboy and kiki masa raya haritu. tapi still they mistreated cats. cipan betul.

bila tulis ni i teringat kisah that day when we were about to leave boboy and kiki kat nursery tu. stupid betul i gi nangis padahal mak tak nangis pun. but sumpah sedihnye tengok situation masa tu. they were so sad. to the saddest extend yang i tak pernah tengok. tak tahan bhai... dah la kiki tengah sarat. pastu my cats tak pernah kena kurung dalam sangkar yang quite sempit. then ade plak siamese cat yang tak berenti-henti melalak *geram betul kucing tu bukan sebab comel tapi bising!!

5 days kat nursery tu. nasib baik the nursery tu tak mistreated boboy and kiki sampai kurus kering cuma those babies busuk gile masa balik. adoi mak loya gak nyah...

wargh rindu pulak ngan si kucing-kucing itu. especially boboy si gemuk. best je bila abah panggil dia "... kabui kabui..." next week jom balik ipoh. hoyeah. selamat hari Malaysia - in advance. *tak sabo ni.

the kabui kabui masa kurus lagi. rinduuuuuu....

rest in peace Gegirl syg. we miss u much! :'(

beloggers dan veeloggers dan publisiti - my thoughts.

gosh loser gile blog ni. sorry peeps i rase nak tulis in malay pulak. been talking too much english with students and hubby today. i felt so Malay la till i asked my students to give meaning of words in malay je harini.

i have to admit i memang dah takde passion nak blogging hari2 mcm tahun2 lepas. ntah la nape. maybe because i am married with loads of works to do. (ceh pdhal hari2 lepak je depan tv) the truth is i have no more ideas kot. mcm dulu i was very free when it comes to speaking. nak komen or carut tu mmg a my cup of tea lah. besides perhaps i rasa my life takdelah interesting sangat. sapa nak baca pun. then lagi i kan PENJAWAT AWAM yang pernah dapat warning i have to bear in mind that i am a PENJAWAT AWAM. so ok lah terimalah seadanya. simpan jelah thoughts semua buat pekasam dalam otak dan hati.

previously i dok dengar kisah cik epal sorang blogger yg hot in the market. ape kes ntah yang i bleh bertembung ngan dia ni lupa lah. rasa mcm masa dok blogshop kot. ape kes ntah but sumpah i tak ingat. so i pun baca lah blog cik epal yg faymes (spelling org zaman sekarang. eww..) tu tapi ntah la. besides that she looks cute and got HUGE numbers of followers sampaikan artis pun baca blog dia; there's nothing interesting about it kot. *aiseh sorry. real me mmg camni. frank-ie. citer kisah dia and the world of blogging and cute hijabis and trends but maybe menarik pada mata org. her language is plain in my eyes. so takpelah dia famous pun because every people share different views about something kan. 

lupakan lupakan. my life evolved too much bout health and my pregnancy lately. so takde mood pun nak fb-ing. apa lagi nak blog. *double loser woot woot. sampailah satu hari ni i rasa a bit healthy then i pun dah back to my normal life of facebook; tetiba teringin nak pakai tudung lilit2 mcm dulu. rindu pulak. so i pun bukak youtube for some inspiration camne nak lilit. yelah otak baru pulih nak invent lilitan sendiri pun dah tak mampu. then i ternampak 1 vid ni. ape ntah nama dia." ... something something inspired by maria elena." who the heck pulak maria elena ni? dulu hana tajima pastu maria elena pulak. i pun googled her. oh how old school i am she was so famous online! kalau hana tajima famous with mysaa.com; this girl pulak jadi famous dengan peliks.blogspot. usha punya usha minah ni pun ade vlogging gak kat youtube. and nah! dia ni rupanya minah yang i tengok dulu. video dia pakai baju rolling stones pastu pakai nail polish. omai omai bimbo gile dia ni i pikir masa 1st time i tgk dia buat tutorial mcm mana nk pakai shawl. not because she's speaking english with that weird style tapi ntah la. seriously indescribable. attitude kot. cuma i salute la the vloggers cam dia ni. org confident je leh wat video camtu with that kind of presentation. so pas i tgk video tu i was like whatever~ malas amik port.

so then i pun baca lah blog dia peliks tu. kind of menarik gak. sbb even she sounds sooooo bimbo; the way she present her thoughts was kinda good gak. ntah la. menarik. very carefree takde control ayu sgt. reminds me of my previous blog yang dah demolished sebab i ni PENJAWAT AWAM *pfft! takpelah minah ni bukan PENJAWAT AWAM *thank God she might not have to lose her blog or else she might lost her job - like me.

but her bimboness tu dapat perhatian ramai gak. biasalah ade yg suka ada yg tak. mcm cikgushidadariparit  tu lah. ade yg humoured by her ade yg annoyed. same goes to maria elena ni. sometime i got annoyed gak *alamak tak baik. i'm pregnant kot! tapi as i said above i adore her for her confidence. gile lah. kalau takde guts mmg jangan mimpilah boleh buat camtu. kalau takde muka setebal kamus oxford and buku medic lala memang tak mampu kot. some people enjoyed her well but some treated her with harsh comments tak terkecuali yang menasihatkan. well taknaklah komen pape. komen korang thoughts korang korang punya hak. cuma i got amused la bila baca komen2 ni. macam macam.

kalau dulu i kawan ngan geng penari tradisional; geng pompuan cantik; geng geek; mat rock; punkers; atheist and free thinkers; golongan ayu; pelepak tegar; geng dakwah; macam-macam punya orang tapi sekarang i can see more variety la since these people like maria elena and cikgushida ni wujud. not just them; tapi orang yang sokong diaorang tak kurang jugak ngan orang yang against diaorang. doonia doonia...

aiseh aiseh sebab tak mandi idea tetiba hilang. maybe i should write more. dok blabber kat budak - practise writing. practise writing tapi aku tak buat. ntah hape hape. baby lapar ni. nak masak. babai.