wife versus awek.

hello. sorry been busy with PMR that i can hardly focus on my blogging activity. lame kan... but got no choice. *sigh.

today i had a great start with mr. hubby. i woke up early on weekends and the morning seems to be NICE when suddenly something popped out on the tv. it's about a place and he asked me to guess where is it. sumpah i hate this kind of playing so dia bagi jawapan - PENANG. and he told me he went there with his friend...

i do not know what the heck is on my mind. i terus TERtanya - "have you been to penang with your ex?". paused then he answered - "yup". terus my facial expression berubah but i tried to fake my smile. then tanya lagi "gi mana? gi mana?". "ah sudah la malas nak ingat cerita lama". FUCK - dalam hati cakap.

5 years of study made me familiar Penang so well even abah will refer to me for directions. and i know how do people spent time in penang - alah biasa lah. date tepi pantai kat bt.ferringgi or gurney drive or queensbay. jalan-jalan kat mall. night market kat batu ferringgi beli dvd pirate. such a nice place to date and make love. penang is always my favourite. tapi since kenal till kawin sumpah never stepped to that lovely island kecuali masa kursus menanda SPM haritu. because he never wanted to. we planned but the plan always kandas. benci dol. 

tetiba terpacul dari mulut without insurance ni - "abg tak penah bawak ayg. kalau ayg nak gi mcm2 alasan". "nnt la abg bawak. we have to save up for the baby". nanti for the i-don't-know-how-many times. double FUCK dalam hati. balik balik baby jugak jadi reason why we can't be like before. why? baby's coming. i know but why not spend some to embrace love? 

while i was taking my bath all i think was that piece of shit. and i started to realise how syiok it is to be somebody's gf. boleh jalan sana jalan sini cuma takleh peluk2 and hold hands but nowadays people don't care about it anymore. lepas kawin the central activity will always be - staying at home. masak. makan sama. tidur. bangun. makan. tv. tido. LAME siak. kalau keluar pun gi tesco beli asam jawa; ikan bilis; bawang; and sabun then balik i have to cook. booo... where was wayang; date at teluk batik sambil makan satay ikan; zooing etc?

never want to complain about household chores tapi as a wife i wish i will have the similar treatment masa kita belum kawin dulu. kenapa lepas kawin mesti change and when baby comes; the world has to turn 360 degrees? i know i could never go back to the virgin moments when i was freehair and carefree. but to keep the flame of love kenapa takleh keep up the way the love ignite on the first place? 

asyik grumble. i know i didn't get any single thing out of it. but i can't help it to be this emo when my baby is kicking me from the inside and i am currently having silent war with him. saturday feels like monday. full of blues. damn it.