cinta berok

today's topic - CINTA. 

if i were about to tell you my love story, it all started when i was 19 years old. my first love, to a matriculation peer (bukan masa sekolah ya), bersemangatnye masa tu. first time couple. and first time i learned to go to cinema. terok-terok. masa putus tu i didn't eat for 3 days, masuk ward segala. terok gile.. but in the end i am now married and expecting child and he just got married to a lady last week.

i don't know how monkey sounds. but if it's puppy love, the love should sound "woof woof" alamak... spoil.

puppy love, monkey love, pig love or whatso ever that they call; perlu ke semua ni? i've lived for 25 years and i tried to recall my memory, rasanya takde lah yang kawin ngan puppy love dia. at the end dia tak kawin kawin or kawin ngan somebody who never had any connections with his/her childhood ATAU somebody yang takkan pernah kita terpikir pun akan jadi pasangan orang tu. so i can say that puppy love is somekind of a bullshit jugak la. so pada orang yang tak hot and had no puppy love masa sekolah, don't feel sad or anything. tak rugi pape tak untung pape pun. 

eww to people yang bercinta terok terok masa sekolah ni. come on lah. there's so many things to be done during your teenage years. if you think that if you didn't have your pakwe or makwe during your teenage years means you are not hot or you're ugly or stupid or anything - that is so damn narrow minded. zaman ni bukan macam zaman my maktok where you have to find your spouse when you turned 16. depa dulu yelah, terus kawin umo 18 dah dapat anak sulung. and you? PMR pun tak lepas tapi dah terok terok bercinta. eww sangat. 

i am not against the idea of love actually. well i know some girls and boys developed their hormone gatal lebih aktif berbanding normal so what can we do kan. depends. but what matters most is what you do and potray during the period of being higher in love. 

bila dah hangat dalam cinta mesti nak jumpa. tapi mestikah jumpa di sekolah? dating dalam kelas dan di celah-celah rak buku kat library or kat pintu kelas? simpan lah hasrat hati tu bawak balik dan dating puas puas kat padang polo or midvalley or genting highlands. bila dah hangat bercinta mesti rindu. bila rindu mesti nak sms. so bawak hp ke sekolah, dengan alasan ni guna nak contact mak bapak. sedangkan you misscall your mak bapak and mak bapak call you balik and the rest of the credit you guna nak sms or call balak or awek you. padahal dah tau peraturan sekolah dilarang bawak hp tapi bawak jugak. that is what i called bercinta tapi menyusahkan orang. siapa susah? warden la. nak spotcheck lah. nak rampas lah. nak simpan lagi harta meredak hampa tu. ingat senang nak jadi warden. that is why i could never be a warden. salute lah kat warden-warden sedia ada ni. 

bila dah hangat bercinta, apa jadi pada pasangan you, you bertanggungjawab (eww macam dah kawin plak kan. geli) misalnya kalau la awek you nak balik kampung, you kena hantar kalau tak nanti ade mamat lain ngorat kat tengah jalan. kalau balak you kena marah ngan cikgu addmath pasal tak buat homework, you pun kena anti cikgu tu pasal dia cikgu poyo marah balak you. what the hell semua ni? macam sial la woi. kalau nak betul-betul tunjuk responsibility, tunjukkan pada diri sendiri dulu. score 8A in PMR, 9A+ in SPM pastu shake tangan tok kadi and amik responsibility tu secara sah and halal. baru jantan, dol... 

i found out that some old sayings were true. misalnya, kalau ada sesuatu tu jangan tunjuk sangat. nanti hilang. kids nowadays megah la tunjuk cinta and sayang, jaja kat fb, youtube, myspace and tepi jalan. murahannye. kalau dok ilysm sangat pastu dapat kawin ngan orang yang sama takpe gak. but we'll never know what future has for us. perasaan yang ada simpan-simpan la sikit. and show the feels and passion on a right place and medium. kalau dok terok terok sangat, kalau tak jadi, orang simpati sikit je. or else orang akan cakap "tu lah bercinta teruk sangat padan muka" 

for me, bercinta lah tak salah. but make it look moderate sudah la. simpan all the sweetness and excitement for your marriage. bila you kawin, and this is the first time you bercinta terok terok, sumpah, sweet sangat. but when you already have the feel and you have to feel it again for another guy, tak sama macam yang kali pertama. and as a human, we'll tend to compare. and it is not a good thing to do. habiskanlah masa sekolah dengan kawan-kawan. jadilah seorang remaja yang menikmati kebebasan. teenage and childhood should be spent with friends. when the right time comes; your life should be spent with a girl/boyfriend. when the time hits; masa yang mewajibkan you untuk berkahwin, then get a husband or a wife. zaman persekolahan bukan zaman mencari pasangan. you know a bunch of people, but you'll never know. dicelah-celah orang-orang itu mungkin terselit jodoh you. but, you can never catch someone and say "ni lah jodoh aku" while you're still 14 years old. funny lah, rasa nak pelempang pun ade gak.  

suka hati you all lah kan. if nak bukti that what i said wasn't a rubbish, make a poll to a bunch of married couples. berapa ramai yang kawin ngan puppy love diaorg? hahaha. i don't eat too much salt, but i know people who disagree with me now eat lesser salt than me. and one day they will write the same thing like this. i am speaking of experience, bukan nak taji siapa-siapa. tapi sapa makan asam dia rasa masam. bye!

kongsi rezeki tambah rezeki.

this is a rotten idea but still i feel like writing my wits out. 

one night of this week me and my adik2 went out for dinner. dataran ipoh - a place yang very open, yelah gerai-gerai je. but actually we can get really good food there, especially char kuey tiau daging. restoran indulgence mana ade menatang ni kan. so takyah la nak attitude sangat kalau nak makan a cheap good food. 

well nothing there. just tengok gelagat orang je when suddenly a busker approached our gerai. he sang kamalia by sweet charity. not as good as ramli sarip in fact dia pun pakai gitar kapok je. however we all terhibur je simply because none from our stall chased him away or even throw eggs on him. i reminisced our time when we had a big family feast kat kl dulu. my uncles paid a busker to sing to us, just for us. well ok what. kalau kat restoran mahal they have this fella playing violin for you, gerai can also have what. even it's no mozart or whatsoeva, but still it is an entertainment.

mamat ni nyanyi ngan penuh soul. good then. and biasa lah at the end of the show, buskers will collect money. and that moment touched my heart till now. he approached each table with his guitar bag. some put money in, which is ok for me. but some just ignore him while he was standing there like a beggar. hey come on man, hulur la barang seringgit dua kat dia. tak luak lah duit kau yang berkepuk-kepuk tu. kalau dah bakhil sangat, i bet we must have coins, seposen dua. why not share? 

some might think - duit aku aku punya pasal lah kan. but the money wasn't yours pun. it was meant to be shared with others. tu rezeki dari Allah kot. and personally i think a busker deserves to be given something. yelah bukan senang nak tebalkan muka main and nyanyi depan orang kan. kau boleh ke buat? then some might think - sapa suh dia main kat sini. aku tak perlukan hiburan. blah jauh2 la. well, yang kau gi makan situ sapa suruh? gi lah makan kat mcd ke, johnny ke. kelas sikit. or kalau sengkek sangat gi lah masak sendiri kat umah. oh come on. rezeki Allah ada di mana-mana. di situ lah tempat busker cari rezeki. 

i think the people like this busker, orang buta yang jual tisu, orang buta yang main keyboard depan globe silk store tu lebih mulia dari orang yang muka stock sympathy and come to you with a letter saying "Disahkan orang bernama si polan bin polan menghidap penyakit tuuuuut" and dia mintak sumbangan. at least these peeps i mentioned above BERUSAHA for money. so they deserve to get something for what they done. dari tak buat apa tapi harapkan simpati. tapi not fair lah if i go against the beggar without knowing their true probs. but as i said, rezeki Allah kenalah share ngan umat manusia ni. bukan hak kau sorang. so why not? bagi jelah kalau dah dia mintak sumbangan dari kau sikit. hulur jelah brapa yang kau rasa patut dan mampu.

well. bukan nak marah or benci beggars. i was taught by my parents to give away even though the beggar wasn't a convincing beggar at all. sebab among those people yang ask for sympathy to, we don't know he/she might be malaikat yang sedang menguji kita. and i hold to that saying. come anybody in any form. kalau dia perlukan pertolongan, tolong jelah. tak luak apa pun. duit boleh cari. tapi doa orang yang kita tolong tu boleh ke kutip kat depan halaman rumah?

why? because one day we might beg for help too. and bila kita wat sesuatu utk orang pastu harap dia bagi kita rezeki ngan apa yang kita buat tu tup tup orang tu cakap "sape suruh kau buat?" mmg rasa nak kasi pelempang je kan. so why not share with others. tak salah kot rezeki nanti bertambah.

hmm. actually benda ni is not a teachable knowledge. learn by heart and soul. kena pikir. macam kesedaran sivik. ye idak?

bye.

the love of what are you doing.

oh my so long since last entry.

i still got more than 250 SPM scripts to mark but not in the mood yet. at some moment of my life now, i was wondering what the heck am i doing with these bundles of papers while i will only gain about 800MYR; while the whole december of mine will be spent being nerdy in the room, marking papers. 

but then my senses woke up. this is all for my self betterment. yeah, like if anyone want to yell at me and say i am not good, i can spit out some fact that "aku marking SPM so i know what i am doing." i am going to be somebody one day. and i know this is the platform. i am going to be somebody, somewhere someday. 

i was known as a girl with no permanent ambition by my family. yelah, kejap nak jadi penyanyi la (perasan suara sedap), laywer la (sebab dulu suka debate ngan orang), nak jadi architect (sebab rasa cam cool je kerja ni), semua kerja nak; tolak doctor ngan engineer je sbb cliche sangat. i was still floating back in my schooling years sampailah matriculation. 

but my wake up call was the end of matric. i realised that i can't go in any field with maths and science (except bio because it requires more memorising and understanding compared to calculation). so when i was about to fill my UPU form, all was no science subject. and the greatest shock was when i filled Ijazah Sarjana Muda Pendidikan as my major choice. i put English as my priority and the first choice was USM and thank youo Allah, i got my first choice. till today i never regret my choice even my mak kept on telling me how bad my choice was (because she was a teacher before).

at times i regretted being a teacher. yeah i do. yelah, work could be a mayhem at times. while you're trying to please and keep people's head up on you when at time you failed doing that - i got sick with all these at times. but i realise i couldn't be perfect because i am not a robot or a prophet. i will be disappointing sometimes. and please shida. that is normal. i was trying to munch this fact all the time. but when i can't that's why i felt so scattered. 

but at the 2nd year of my career journey, i started to love the gist of it. dulu, i love it all because of the students. but i realised that students can't be sweet forever. so when i learn and learn and know my work well, God, i have fallen in love. my work isn't that bad. except for the bad times. but when i try to embrace my what i am doing now without bothering about my surrounding, yeah it feels good. 

now i know i have made a right decision. but how could that be right?

by trying to love it. and made yourself comfortable with it. prinsip yang sama dengan tak kenal maka tak cinta. wow. now i started to see how malay proverb works. 

i hope what i am feeling towards my career now will be on forever. cheers to my upcoming 3rd year of service.