think i am effin' drab? read this fella!

this blog need to stay sober in order to survive. *if you know what i mean. 
i don't give a damn if you think my blog is such a dull one. who cares?
i need my blog to make sure that may English stay green. you won't know that.
i'm not asking for any follower because having a blog was now a form of practice, no longer a form of freedom like the previous one. and if you think i bore you, please go away.

never meant to be mean any longer. i just want to talk about myself. no more about others. i used to be very opinionated, but as time passes by, i started to realize it is better to keep the conjectures inside. safer and less imbroglio.

i am a boring person. bid me goodbye. i don't care. :)

bore.

at last this week i managed to STAY at home for more than 24 hours. at that moment i can feel that i am full with the housewife's mood. woooho. what a cool feeling.

i was suppose to party like a star with mommy and others. but what a wrecked dream. mak went back to taiping while i was about to surprise her with something a few more hours later. i still had to go back since future hub needs the wedding ring.

2 hours of driving, less sugar red bull has been my best friend all along the week. at last, ipoh i'm back. but for the first time, feeling so alone at home. i got the feeling of going here and there at first. but after mr. hub left for kelantan, and i was really alone, i lost the verve. i just went to ria moda due to a very important business but the time i stepped home, i really felt like i belong there. no more mood to go out. what so not Roshida.

that house was so empty without mak and adik. :(  how i wish i can go back to bagan datoh now, but i was too tired. i miss mak.

saturday i was here and bagan datoh. again, i felt boring. what is this?
gila. everywhere and boring. urgh.

driving lorries

i really wanted to write about this for long. and it keeps on playing on my mind each time i was driving.

sometimes i wish lorries do not exist on the road. *sigh. but i can't deny how important a lorry to people. perhaps i should change my statement : i wish ignorant lorry drivers do not exist on the road.

at times, i really need to rush. really need to. such as driving to school or going for a long journey back to my hometown, and this vehicle can only go up to 80kmph. i just can't stand but to cut off to other lane. but how can i possibly do that even though there are no cars coming from other lane; if there are 5 lorries driving so close to each other? or in malay word - beremba. at least if they set distance, people like me can do it slowly and safely for sure.

some drivers got so tensed up when i cut them off. why? i just could not understand. you're big but slow. so let the small swift me go first. some lorries try to come across me back after i cut them off. haha. i just go speechless. sometimes they spotlighted me and i swear i hate that. but i can't bother. step on the throttle to the fullest and bubbye!

this one. i really can't stand. big, heavy lorries are slow. they go like 40kmph, the fastest and THEY ARE ON THE RIGHT LANE. what is that? am i in America? come on... i bet we all learned that slow cars meant to be on the left side of the lanes. i wish i drove big foot and i can just hit those vehicle with inconsiderate driver. *sigh...

it is dangerous when we were too fast. but it is also a danger if we go too slow.
peace no war. lovesss.

English's doom day

what a gloomy day. yes, today is the day when the result of SPM came out. early in the morning i heard rumors saying that our school got 1st in Hilir Perak and 4th in Perak. never believe rumours until it is proven true.

i was doing nothing but snapping dramatic photos of the kids. all i can do was browsing the slips, that is not what i wanted to do. i want to know the results for English. i wish the kids did well. but the analysis wasn't out that time. that's when i know the agony of waiting. oh yes, the rumours was proven true. congrats SABDA.

browsing the slips. i see quite numbers of A. ahh, that wasn't what i'm looking for. but i saw quite a lot of c too, especially from my class - ABT and ABI. what the fart? C is unacceptable! i guess i can go with B but not C. gosh. i started to feel bad. and that bad feeling went throughout the bad day.

17 got C and C+. when only 2 got C from SOKSEK. what a HUGE disappointment i got today. it feels like a smack on my head and i still can feel the painful vibrant. i hate it, i hate the result.

at first i don't know who to be blamed. am i wrong for not being a great teacher to my kids? but i am just a newbie. that reason is not gonna help. sejarah has new teachers but the students did well. or should i blame the kids themselves? they're just not into my subject perhaps. but what if they have done and gave their best?

in the end, i made up my heart. i was wrong. i wasn't doing the right thing for others.

i have stopped cursing quite long ago. but today my mouth seems unstoppable. too many bad words came out from it. and yes they are all for me. blame me for everything kids.

i need an escapade. i need my fiance. but he's down too; due to some heartbreaking news from the boss. ok now this is what i call a DOOM day.

viva, i want you right now. take me away to somewhere else. i just can't look at the students anymore. in fact, there's no use of showing myself to them. there's no use to see miss Shida anymore.

Greatest God of all. heal my pain, please. :(

movie date

hikayat merong mahawangsa. 

sounds big. i heard peeps talking about how great this movie is. and i've read one saying that it is a flop. when i first read the negative comment about this movie, i was telling myself that no matter how great a local movie is, some of our local people still didn't appreciate that. hm, what to do. different people have different taste.

one fine date we made up our mind to watch this movie. not many people were there in the cine. perhaps they've watch it earlier i guess. the movie went on but can only captured my attention for just 20minutes. i started to get bored. gosh.

it was so cold inside the dark chamber, and it was biting me to the bone. my restlessness kept on going more. it was not just the environment that doesn't support me, but i have to come clean here, the storyline was quite boring (for me). i though i was the only one. but i peeped on my date and i can see he was showing a bored face too. and he said "boring lah cite ni."

we came to a conclusion. never watch an epic movie on a date.

**how's big momma house eh? i really wanna watch it!

 

*i'm not a movie critic. sorry if i can't give a constructive one

the sweetest years of life.

ecah popo. myra. nur ili shamimi. ain mahasan. woon tian fook - those i spent my uni life with
limbo rocking. hiking in taman negara penang. walking to night market. brisk walking around the lake - things i do with my bff.
yahoo messaging. but obviously i have no mood rush on this. but still i miss ym-ing.
koey tiaw tomyam with twist of sambal belacan. burning hot but cool! mmg cirit after that.
queensbay mall. i wonder how awesome this place now.
marching on saturday morning. attending lecture but skipping titas class. doing assignments. i miss my lecturers.
lepak at khaleel watching football. walking up and down restu saujana hill at 2 am.
nasi kandar subaidah - fried chicken, fried squids, fried fish. all fried things here are bombs!
waiting for the bus in front of dewan budaya. at last end up walking to sungai dua.

i miss my previous life. broke but contented.
i miss u usm.

sempurna - andra and the backbone.

this song really reminds me of my tunang. one fine day we were in his car. i was tired and suddenly he screamed. i was shocked. then he made hand signals. i could not understand what is he trying to convey. nak marah gak la masa tu. then he said, "lagu ni utk syg."

ewah tetiba romantik pulak. weird weird. anyhow, thanks a lot dear. it was HUGE for me even though it's weird.

i miss you so much dear. i wish i could scream and transmit the frequencies into your sleep and turn them into a dream. so you'll know.

good night hun. i'll be the most understanding woman you have ever met. i will do.

2351. crazy mind.

what a boring midnight. serve me right. i had caffeinated drink a few hours before and now? yeeha i cannot sleep.

handphone was on silent dead. *luckily my handphone wasn't cost rm1 kalau tak, selamat aku baling ke dinding. all i can hear is my baby you by marc anthony. i hate mellowing now. argh!

my thoughts cannot be written here. it was just, urgh. INDESCRIBABLE. 

it is not full moon but i'm on mood rush and i hate it. yes i do.

**it's ok shida. tomorrow will be better. love you.

keropok lekor

i was at the kitchen, frying keropok lekor for my siblings. thanks to abg, at last i found a genuine keropok lekor from its origin. but at that moment i do not have any feel to eat or to cook.

frying frying. what a tedious job when you don't really have the mood. i was looking at the bubbly hot oil in the wok, praying that there will be no blast. good keropok. not even a tiny blast happened. mind mind whined back to the year when i was 16, frying the keropok taken right away from the freezer. i was excited. frying kreopok was big for me that time.

what a bad keropok. a blast happened, one of the bad keropok flew out from the wok and landed right on my shoulder. woohoo. hot. i was burning hot a that time. jumping like a monkey and cried in pain. mak put on some colgate on the burning area to cool it down, but it turned so painful later. then mak tried some butter. i felt like i'm a french toast with a twist of mint at that moment. :(

in pain, finally mak turned to a more traditional approach. minyak gamat. nice. i felt better.

for one whole week, no cloth can touch that area. my baju kurung was asymmetrical as i had to pull the collar away from the shoulder. i was a minah senget at that moment.

i am getting married to a kelantanese. keropok lekor, please be kind. thank you

mac - up

mr. fiance hasn't found any make up artist aka mak andam for my wedding in kelantan. omaiGod.
suddenly mak popped out with a brilliant idea. make up by Roshida Abu Bakar. how is that?

i know, all these while i have make up on my face almost every time i walked out form the door. but not this "kind" of make up for sure. i still remember how long it took to make me up on my engagement day. 2 hours! and i think it took half of it just for the eyes.

gile gile. i don't think i can do it. and i don't want to spend my money to buy falsies just to practice and at the end, i still need to depend on the pro to do it. i rather pay them. serahkan pada yang pakar. that's the best.

**good at powdering only..

i.m.y

The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected.
~Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook 

dear me...

so near yet so far. he's busy i know. and i should be cool about this.
yeah yeah. forget it. he's not here. he's not here. he's not here.....

dear myself, later on let's have a girlie outing with lala and mak before all-about-kawin-day tomorrow.
love you.

the transporter.

i still remember being a strict st.john member. how i was a master of first aid (every st.john member is a master of first aid). especially when it comes to transportation, i was kind of good (because i wasn't good in cpr and others. pfft..)

remember the rules. when transporting a casualty, always use the power of your leg. and it always work. even though your hands wasn't as strong as a body builder who lifts up 10kg of weight everyday, it is ok as long as you know how to make a full use of your legs.

i still apply this rules. 2004 - 2011. what a long run. and keep on using my legs till one day it rebel. i had a torn ligament on my left knees and now i can't barely walk right. the worst time is during my prayer; duduk antara dua sujud. i swear it hurts!

blame on my carelessness. the rule is still the best.
hail st.john ambulance!

dear friends,

people change. as how do status, responsibility and situation evolve. dulu aku pernah terasa perubahan pada kawan-kawan yang nak kawin. honestly i can't take it at first. in my heart i kept on saying "poyo betul lah. i wish i won't change like this."

who knows? God granted my destiny within a blink of eye. miracle. i met a guy and now i am counting days to marry him. and now, i can feel that i am no longer the previous Roshida. i became sober for quite a lot of things such as karaoke, scene and loitering. i can't believe i became like my friends whom i talked about before; staying at home doing household chores, scrubbing my bathroom, watching tv and worst of all; i spent a lot of time at school. even though my mouth spits a lot of sighing words, i felt good.

to those who felt bad about my changes, i am so sorry. i can no longer came down to your place hanging out with you guys like before. i can't no longer purchase any of your stuffs to support the scene. i can't no longer did crazy stuffs like i used to do before.

i wish peeps understand. but if they can't, i can't help it. sorry.
i am paying the price for the thing i used to hate before. serve me right.
but what goes around comes around. i dislike people, and now people dislike me, and later other people will dislike these people who dislike me.

cheers. life is too short to be filled with hatred.
loves.