fertility

http://drazwan.blogspot.com/2008/01/mengira-waktu-subur-wanita.html

mengira waktu subur. i'm not being ridiculous here yeah.

bukannya aku takut

nice song. love it

bore bore.

pfft.. boredom kills.

perhaps i might be in kfc teluk intan now, munching fried chicken and having the great choc krushers. but 10 minutes before i was supposed to depart, i had my menses pain. and it was getting worse, i was thinking of getting a jab, but i don't think i can drive. thank God, i had vascopan in pills plus ponstan. it took me 2 hours before i felt quite better.

alone, having instant noodle at 4pm. hp is too silent, mr fiance wasn't around. urgh. it feels t-off. pfft.
WHAT A NICE WEEKEND.

help me to choose!

need opinion. which one is good as wedding sticker? lekat on hadiah vip.

(1)

(2)

(3)

(4)

(5)

opinions are highly appreciated. thank you.

counting days to 16th May

Love is the ability and willingness to allow those that you care for to be what they choose for themselves without any insistence that they satisfy you.  - Wayne Dyer

 

**that is the reason that explains why the teacher sometimes ignores you. we do love you, kids.

the realm of growing up

seeing kids nowadays grow up, sometimes i ponder; how they really want to be the grown ups. the way they dress, the gadgets they hold, the personalities. all. 

i consider these kids as lucky. they were born with silver spoon in their mouth. did i sound green in envy? hell no! i was more lucky as i was born seeing how hard my abah worked to feed us and how hard he wanted us to pursue our studies in IPTA. i guess for some people that might sound like a short dream. but who cares? i am a career woman now and my dad is a big shot and i am proud of myself and my dad. i am proud to see how hard he strive to be in his position right now. 

after all years of struggling, i realised the meaning of life. life isn't always like soap dramas in tv. but far far more complicated. hard, but Allah know how far we can go. sometimes it looks a bit awkward to see how kids nowadays grow. but life evolves. perhaps one day they'll be like me; blogging while reminiscing about how great is a teenage life and it'll be greater to spend it in such a humble way - the way a teenager should be; broke but happy. 

i do believe that love should start at this point. this is the phase we'll be at the peak of our poyo level, but we'll never realise it. and growing up makes us see how "overwhelmed" we can be when it comes to love. but it is a good trial. we'll never learn about love till our first break up. the more bf/gf you have, the more knowledge you'll have about love. so do life. so at this age, you might have all the gadgets and you can google about almost everything, but not experience. 

but i could never forgive what teenagers have done to the language. bowink, aquwh, windoo, cayunk. oh wtfart? please stop it! it sounds moron. languages that we have now are beautiful enough, it doesn't need any alteration. if you're thinking of being creative, create a new language that has nothing related to the existing languages. as a language peeps, i'm against the violation of either English or even Malay. 

oops. mood swings sometimes. teehee... :D 

oh, i need to sleep by now. tomorrow i'm working. and working wakes me up from the dream of an ideal life. life isn't easy when you're working and in love. others, you still can be in control. trust me. i'm talking based on my personal EXPERIENCE. i wish i could stop growing old. not because of any wrinkle-phobic or whatever. but i wish i won't be here to hold this much responsibilities and it keeps growing up each time the clock ticks. 

everybody would want to be the 1st stage Dora - cute and adorable, innocent and lovely no matter if we fart a lot.

thank you for this anger

i thought of only updating this topic on facebook. but i can't. there's too many things running in my brain now.

what happened today was such a total crap out of hell.

i thought i could trust 17 year old boys and girls. i thought they are old enough to understand the meaning of honesty and obedience. but i was wrong. today, my perspective over luck and trustworthy diverted. i should not trust anymore. and Roshida is always the unlucky one. 

i felt an intense anger sensation, as if it was filling my body and mind. i swear i was trying so hard not to cry in from of them, but i was shivering in mad. i started to throw bundles of papers and i know that was not a good sign. i am such an epitome of amok - i throw things and i can hit people when i am angry. so i keep quiet because i know i can't hit them. 

who knows what's inside?

i cursed. and i hate. i was trying to tell myself, "do not say the F word."  i managed to do it but i can't stop cursing the kids. i know it is not a good thing when a teacher cursed a student; like a mom cursed his son. but i was trying so hard not to. i just cant.

i hate you guys, 5 Al Jazari. i am sorry that some of you are not guilty, but you're not sorry of what you guys have done.

i'm off for a few days. i hope i can revive.

teachers are human. human feel angry; we like and we hate. satan is always around us. we're not angel.

one last shout:


FUCKKKKK!!!!!!!!!! argh!

guleng guleng

on the carpet. urgh. boooring!

miss

tomorrow my sorrow will go. 

i miss you Azren sir...

happy buruh's day

happy labour's day.

i'm such a labour working my ass dang hard.

and i really wanted to work my ass dang harder for my career advancement.

i love my life. i love my family. i love my fiance. i love my friends.

want you.

want the pink belacan version of this!!!

 thanks Diana Rafar for the wedding gown inspiration!

uncle, please make me the the most gorgeous bouquet! i'm you 1st malay customer, maa :)

henna. still searching. hurmmm...

marriage thought #1

27 days to my wedding day. i felt the throb but it was too weak to shake me nervous. 

my house is complete by now. i just need a husband to attain cloud nine. mr. fiance left me again after quite some time he was onshore. the feeling was different this time, i hate it more than i hate it before. the tribulations of a few days before the wedding day are totally different. sometimes it seems unbearable. 

it takes more than a strong soul if you choose to marry a navy. at first i thought it was easy. a miss independent; i have everything. i was a lady who wanted to marry a guy but at the same time i don't really need that guy. when he went to sail and at time i was his girlfriend, i felt ok. mum is still here, i can go shopping with lala or hang out with friends. then we got engaged, he left me quite a few times. even after 2 days i wore the engagement ring, he sailed away. that moment, i started crying each time he bid me goodbye. and this time, again, i was left behind prior his duty. sad, i swear. even there's nothing left to handle regarding marriage. 

living in lonesome sounds easy. oh come on shida, you've been single for quite sometimes before, aite? but hell no after i had this ring around my finger. if it's possible i want him to be around me all the time, like the ring does. but he's a navy and i had to share him with his profession. and at times, sharing sucks! the feeling is like he had another wife and when i had to let him go, it seems like he's away for the 2nd wife. 

i was strong. i hope i can still be strong for another 27 more days. 

27 more days? my face looks like a leopard-full of dark spots *help!! body is getting bigger *fartshit! knee wasn't that fit for high heel *dang! now i'm blowing my stack. HALP!