marriage thought #1

27 days to my wedding day. i felt the throb but it was too weak to shake me nervous. 

my house is complete by now. i just need a husband to attain cloud nine. mr. fiance left me again after quite some time he was onshore. the feeling was different this time, i hate it more than i hate it before. the tribulations of a few days before the wedding day are totally different. sometimes it seems unbearable. 

it takes more than a strong soul if you choose to marry a navy. at first i thought it was easy. a miss independent; i have everything. i was a lady who wanted to marry a guy but at the same time i don't really need that guy. when he went to sail and at time i was his girlfriend, i felt ok. mum is still here, i can go shopping with lala or hang out with friends. then we got engaged, he left me quite a few times. even after 2 days i wore the engagement ring, he sailed away. that moment, i started crying each time he bid me goodbye. and this time, again, i was left behind prior his duty. sad, i swear. even there's nothing left to handle regarding marriage. 

living in lonesome sounds easy. oh come on shida, you've been single for quite sometimes before, aite? but hell no after i had this ring around my finger. if it's possible i want him to be around me all the time, like the ring does. but he's a navy and i had to share him with his profession. and at times, sharing sucks! the feeling is like he had another wife and when i had to let him go, it seems like he's away for the 2nd wife. 

i was strong. i hope i can still be strong for another 27 more days. 

27 more days? my face looks like a leopard-full of dark spots *help!! body is getting bigger *fartshit! knee wasn't that fit for high heel *dang! now i'm blowing my stack. HALP!