thank you for this anger

i thought of only updating this topic on facebook. but i can't. there's too many things running in my brain now.

what happened today was such a total crap out of hell.

i thought i could trust 17 year old boys and girls. i thought they are old enough to understand the meaning of honesty and obedience. but i was wrong. today, my perspective over luck and trustworthy diverted. i should not trust anymore. and Roshida is always the unlucky one. 

i felt an intense anger sensation, as if it was filling my body and mind. i swear i was trying so hard not to cry in from of them, but i was shivering in mad. i started to throw bundles of papers and i know that was not a good sign. i am such an epitome of amok - i throw things and i can hit people when i am angry. so i keep quiet because i know i can't hit them. 

who knows what's inside?

i cursed. and i hate. i was trying to tell myself, "do not say the F word."  i managed to do it but i can't stop cursing the kids. i know it is not a good thing when a teacher cursed a student; like a mom cursed his son. but i was trying so hard not to. i just cant.

i hate you guys, 5 Al Jazari. i am sorry that some of you are not guilty, but you're not sorry of what you guys have done.

i'm off for a few days. i hope i can revive.

teachers are human. human feel angry; we like and we hate. satan is always around us. we're not angel.

one last shout:


FUCKKKKK!!!!!!!!!! argh!