supa mam

alone with son at home the whole day. my mind was triggered to mull over something again.

from my point of view, most mom can take care of their children even if they are alone.

but only a few dad can do that alone.

bukan nak mengata para suami and fathers. but as what happened to me i can barely make a lousy conclusion as above.

yesterday was a full-day even for me. dari pukul 7 keluar berkerja, habis pukul 12, shopping bahan masak, pukul 1 sampai rumah. terkejut. my husband wasn't even took his bath yet. and rumah memang agak bersepah. the baby sitting job handed over and my hubby mandi then keluar potong rambut. while he's out, i managed to put kamal to sleep, sweep the floor and mop it while at the same time, watch Reese Witherspoon in Sweet Home Alabama. he's home and i cook dinner. pukul 5.30 baru lah rasa free sikit for a break so i took a nap since kamal pun tidur gak. masa tu, sejam that i got worth more than RM100. 

at 6, got up and mandikan anak, then bersiap pergi dinner. when i left at 8, hubby was doing his work while sonny dok main main dalam walker. i was home at 1145 pm and found out sonny was on the sleeping mat and he was still with his laptop. masa tanya, muka memang sour tahap gaban. "tak sempat makan. anak muntah 2 kali." weird. everything is ready. sikit effort je diperlukan iaitu bangun dan ceduk nasi then ceduk lauk dalam pinggan dan makan. tak pe tak pe. aku siapkan nasi sekali ngan air dan cough syrup dia. siapkan tempat tidur dan tidur. 

being married to a navy is tough. dalam sebulan, paling sikit diaorang duty is 3 times. and duty means - leaving the house for 30 hours. masa husband duty i had to take all his role and do mine as well. kalau masa sekolah, after work, i amik anak at 7pm, buy myself dinner, balik, feed the son, tidurkan anak, paling cepat i can take my bath will be at 10 pm. lepas mandi baru makan. and kalau calculate balik, it will be 12 hours after i took my last meal since i don't eat lunch. and kalau cuti lagi tedious. semua kerja kena buat sendiri. mandikan anak, basuh berak, muntah, layan dia main and pd masa yang sama jalankan tanggungjawab utk kerja dan diri sendiri. kalau amalkan alasan "tak sempat" memang i will die of starvation. 

when i was small, i still remember how was then when my mom was hospitalised. abah took over mak's job and it was weird not to have mak around. abah tried to cook and it was a total failure. but at least he tried. sampai sekarang pun, kalau mak sakit, memang rumah tu takkan terurus. 

and today, bila i watch Anlene's ad on tv, Michelle Yeoh's words struck me. "Asian women is the pillar of family" and she is absolutely true. rare lah kes yang bapak besarkan anak dia bersendirian. bukan takde ye, but as i said, they are rare.

bukan nak merungut atau mengungkit here. but as i mull this matter over, i got into a sense on how important i am to this family. it is not that i don't trust my husband, but i believe that he won't be able to take care of himself as he was busy taking care of our son. 

dan aku dapat kaitan, insan yang paling kita hormat ialah ibu, ibu, ibu dan bapa. kenapa ibu wujud 3 kali di situ. 

from this point, i value myself more than anything in this world. and apa yang jadi pada arwah Normaya Mokhtar buat aku lebih sayang diri aku. 

bukan senang jd working mom.