serves me right?

urgh.

what am i doing here? stuck at home while the others are at their real home. i miss mommy. :(

well. this is the result of me trying so damn hard to be poyo - with a claim that i want to have a peace of mind. oh yeah. so peace. students weren't here, no neighbours. aha. peace. a real one. pfft.

what happened last thursday was one of the worst ever. i never had that kind of breakdown. seems like body and brain went to separate ways. i hate every single faces i met even though they meant nothing to me. i still hate them for no reason. i hate the papers i was stapling. if only i can step and fart on the papers i would have done that. i estimated that work is going to finish by 4 but at 6.30 pm i am still a zombie at work; a crying zombie. yup i can't stop shedding tears that day. too many things have put me down on that thurs-doom.

mr. fiance was another contributing factor. if he was in front of me at that time i think he'll got a punch right on his face. yelah! i was too down when he pressed me with another oppressing news - "i'm going sailing from 1st may to 5th."
i just can't stop when F word eagerly wanted to come out of my mouth. not just that. i started cursing. the words varied from P to B to P again to B to whateverrr.

mommy said "you're simply too tired hun. go back and get some sleep." it worked. and when i woke up, i just don't feel like waking up. i still want to make love with my bed. while i was on it, my brain was on labour. yup, i came to a conclusion that i am going to withdraw from my relationship first. mommy texted "take one step at a time. i care and luv you."

so i am taking one step at a time. an my first step is - get as many rest as i could. so, my verdict is - don't go back. stay home and do something relaxing. facial, checked. cleaning house, checked. blogging, checked. facebook, checked. online shopping, checked. what else to do? shito.






urgh. i need help.

sincerity

“Some sincerity will serve well in the long run but total sincerity is often detrimental.”

i wonder how sincere i am in serving more than what i am paid for. only God knows how tired i am today. going to classes up and down. preparing papers for the panel's budget. module for extra classes. preparing for sahibba competition. gosh i was worst than a tedious robot.  


i wish i could follow couples of friends on their trip to hutan melintang. but i can't. i was too devoted to the sahibba competition, that i forgot i got extra class tonight. damn. i rushed to bagan datoh to photocopy the modules. my watch told me it was already 7pm and i haven't put my feet on my door step yet. damn again. bills! i haven't pay my bills yet. and my viva runs out of petrol. argh!


i really need a pa. i know my boss also didn't have any pa. who am i to have one? but who cares? i really need one. i'm tired. and when i'm weary my emotion tends to get overwhelm. and i hate it. i started to feel too many moronic feelings that i just can't take it. i look around me and see how my colleagues got time to cook, go here and there, play with their kids, do sports. and i? 730 pm, just got home with too many sebum blotting my face. grrr.  


where do sincerity comes with this sparking emotions? i don't know. at time i just feel like quitting and stay home, herding turtles and watering plants, watch maharaja lawak and sleep early. urgh. i wish i could but i can only wish. :'(


the question is : i am almost in the state of detrimental. but am i sincere enough?

on tv!

shocked to see

my future husband on astro ria. 

lu pikir la sendiri nabil. 

but i can't find the video on youtube.

but you look soooo damn good my dear :)

i love you!

celcom

thank you so much celcom.

i can't contact my fiance. 

eee... nerve wrecking!

waa. hate it!

tiresome

crazy pig! penat like whatever today. i hate it hate it hate it.

for the first time i had to conduct a course. as the KP, delivering speech in front of some teacher who had taught more than me was not easy. in fact, some of them might be very new in the industry, but i am new either. phiew.. i've done it even though it was so like whateverrr, who cares? i've did it.

the preparation was tedious. when i was talking, i recalled too many things i left out. is that means i had to conduct another. NOOOO.. hate it!

then i had to accompany students doing their photoshop job. sorry guy, i just can't stand awake. i slept on the couch while my students did their job. i woke up since my tummy was knocking its drum hard. i realised that i haven't eat anything yet after breakfast and it's now 5pm.

how sad. i wish the petrol pump can help my almost flat tyre. oh yeah, it is 10km away from my place, and the air pump wasn't working. that means i had to drive another 19km to get to a new petrol station. wtheck. i was too tired for it. sorry tyre. esok plak ok.

i was hungry that i can eat a hippopotamus. and the restaurant? ok, they served me with such an oily fried rice. not just that, they called me embok! urghh. whatever. i'm exhausted.

God, i need some more energy. laundry is waiting :(

REALLY MAD!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

when the entry is in BM, maksudnya aku mmg MARAH!
apa pasal lah sesetengah pelajar ni ignorant and indifferent sangat pasal sesetengah perkara yang penting? bila cikgu cakap buat, kenapa ade sesetengah yang duduk kat belakang tu buat-buat macam buat tapi tak. sikap mcm ni maaf cakap la, mmg tak jamin kau orang jadi cemerlang. camne nak cemerlang? dah makan maki hamun dalam hati cikgu.

pasal ignorance and indifference ni lah student acap kali menyusahkan hidup cikgu, menjatuhkan reputasi cikgu. 

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee geramnye aku!

pfft.

me love shawl #1

thanks for inspiring, aiyooma.
looks easy but hard to apply on my round-shaped face.
:-P