The power of a boy

I left home at 1210 for work. I bid farewell to mak and my boy but he pulled my tudung as if he never want me to leave.

1900 i was on the road in my car when i "saw" him in my imaginary car seat beside me. My first tear came down. Sampai je rumah, spirit rasa lain gile. Rumah tu macam takde soul. Bukak je pintu i was searching for the walker. Tp xde.

Tok amik amacap balik Ipoh as mummy has to work and no one is going to take care of him masa mummy and abah pegi mess night.

I sat on the couch, looking at his cot. The only thing i can do is cry. "Ami rindu acap..."

Hubby took me out for dinner. Hafiz's song Andai something something was on air. Then we talk about amacap. At first we were laughing. Then it turned to tears within seconds. Both of us were crying. We missed amacap. And that moment, is priceless.

I told hubby that i don't want to go home yet. With the hope that i won't feel sad. We went to a mall but all i can think of is buying amacap new toy and clothes.

It was raining cats and dogs. Hubby went to fetch the car. I looked up to the sky. "Ami ayang acap" - that is all i can say. I miss my son so much.

In the car, i was listening to the mellowing Astrid's song. Air mata nak tumpah lagi. So i sleep before i cry myself to sleep.

I just want a peace of mind, full of thoughts about Kamal Ashraf only. I am so sorry if i might be such the biggest shit in anybody's life but sorry i can't help it but to give it a pass.

Goodnight amacap. Mummy tak boleh tidur ni. Mummy rindu bau susu, mummy rindu amacap golek golek pastu invade tempat tido mummy. Mummy nak peluk acap.

Sumpah. Rasa rindu ni lebih hebat dari rindukan kekasih masa bercinta.