bad hijab day

today i was having such a terrible terrible tudung day. never felt this before. never ever.

i put myself into a black bawal (i mean, a black, crumpled bawal). it totally looked strange on me simply because it was so neat under and on top, the tudung was messy like whatever. another agonising part is it wasn't easy to mend and i look more or less like my grandma in bawal. shit. i just forget it and moved my day on.

usually it took me 5-10 minutes to put my make up and hijab. but today, i spent 1/2 hour just to put my hijab on. first i tried it with inner, then an inner neck, then with ordinary serkup. nothing looks well on me. i was screwed up! like seriously screwed up. i spin the shawl, spin and spin. until one time, i felt "lost". was asking myself, what look is this? i tried diana amir's style and i said to myself, this gotta stop. i am so fucking late to work.

and yes, i was 6 minutes late to school. damn it.

went for zuhr prayer and putting it back on head was gruelling. i had to run to the toilet and all the time i was doing it, i felt so uncomfortable. but shit again. i was late for class. i said stop so whatever it is lah. lantak.

i was writing and writing on the whiteboard when suddenly i felt heavy on one side of my head. then i realised my hijab was no longer in place. siot betol, why should it happened in front of my students? ok fine i just pinned it wherever i think is appropriate, the bell rung and i ran to the ladies and fuck i cursed the shawl (as if it would understand me)

i just fed up, but i can't walk away without covering my head. so i just put on the simple style. while i was pinning and spinning, a practical teacher came in and smiled and said, "rajinnya akak melilit lilit." "oh dah biasa macam ni. so rasa senang. lagi tak biasa pakai tudung sarung macam orang lain."

yeah. i wish fareeda, ariani and pearl haya looked nice on me but no. i felt awkward. tried wearing instant hijab when i was pregnant and guess what, i feels like bad tudung day everyday. how i wish wearing shawl can be easier at all time. but the bad moment doesn't happened all time. i guess what it takes is just a hijab with a perfect styling at a perfect timing.

i am wishing for a better tudung day tomorrow.

i was wearing habibi by alkenali