2351. crazy mind.

what a boring midnight. serve me right. i had caffeinated drink a few hours before and now? yeeha i cannot sleep.

handphone was on silent dead. *luckily my handphone wasn't cost rm1 kalau tak, selamat aku baling ke dinding. all i can hear is my baby you by marc anthony. i hate mellowing now. argh!

my thoughts cannot be written here. it was just, urgh. INDESCRIBABLE. 

it is not full moon but i'm on mood rush and i hate it. yes i do.

**it's ok shida. tomorrow will be better. love you.

keropok lekor

i was at the kitchen, frying keropok lekor for my siblings. thanks to abg, at last i found a genuine keropok lekor from its origin. but at that moment i do not have any feel to eat or to cook.

frying frying. what a tedious job when you don't really have the mood. i was looking at the bubbly hot oil in the wok, praying that there will be no blast. good keropok. not even a tiny blast happened. mind mind whined back to the year when i was 16, frying the keropok taken right away from the freezer. i was excited. frying kreopok was big for me that time.

what a bad keropok. a blast happened, one of the bad keropok flew out from the wok and landed right on my shoulder. woohoo. hot. i was burning hot a that time. jumping like a monkey and cried in pain. mak put on some colgate on the burning area to cool it down, but it turned so painful later. then mak tried some butter. i felt like i'm a french toast with a twist of mint at that moment. :(

in pain, finally mak turned to a more traditional approach. minyak gamat. nice. i felt better.

for one whole week, no cloth can touch that area. my baju kurung was asymmetrical as i had to pull the collar away from the shoulder. i was a minah senget at that moment.

i am getting married to a kelantanese. keropok lekor, please be kind. thank you

mac - up

mr. fiance hasn't found any make up artist aka mak andam for my wedding in kelantan. omaiGod.
suddenly mak popped out with a brilliant idea. make up by Roshida Abu Bakar. how is that?

i know, all these while i have make up on my face almost every time i walked out form the door. but not this "kind" of make up for sure. i still remember how long it took to make me up on my engagement day. 2 hours! and i think it took half of it just for the eyes.

gile gile. i don't think i can do it. and i don't want to spend my money to buy falsies just to practice and at the end, i still need to depend on the pro to do it. i rather pay them. serahkan pada yang pakar. that's the best.

**good at powdering only..

i.m.y

The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected.
~Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook 

dear me...

so near yet so far. he's busy i know. and i should be cool about this.
yeah yeah. forget it. he's not here. he's not here. he's not here.....

dear myself, later on let's have a girlie outing with lala and mak before all-about-kawin-day tomorrow.
love you.

the transporter.

i still remember being a strict st.john member. how i was a master of first aid (every st.john member is a master of first aid). especially when it comes to transportation, i was kind of good (because i wasn't good in cpr and others. pfft..)

remember the rules. when transporting a casualty, always use the power of your leg. and it always work. even though your hands wasn't as strong as a body builder who lifts up 10kg of weight everyday, it is ok as long as you know how to make a full use of your legs.

i still apply this rules. 2004 - 2011. what a long run. and keep on using my legs till one day it rebel. i had a torn ligament on my left knees and now i can't barely walk right. the worst time is during my prayer; duduk antara dua sujud. i swear it hurts!

blame on my carelessness. the rule is still the best.
hail st.john ambulance!

dear friends,

people change. as how do status, responsibility and situation evolve. dulu aku pernah terasa perubahan pada kawan-kawan yang nak kawin. honestly i can't take it at first. in my heart i kept on saying "poyo betul lah. i wish i won't change like this."

who knows? God granted my destiny within a blink of eye. miracle. i met a guy and now i am counting days to marry him. and now, i can feel that i am no longer the previous Roshida. i became sober for quite a lot of things such as karaoke, scene and loitering. i can't believe i became like my friends whom i talked about before; staying at home doing household chores, scrubbing my bathroom, watching tv and worst of all; i spent a lot of time at school. even though my mouth spits a lot of sighing words, i felt good.

to those who felt bad about my changes, i am so sorry. i can no longer came down to your place hanging out with you guys like before. i can't no longer purchase any of your stuffs to support the scene. i can't no longer did crazy stuffs like i used to do before.

i wish peeps understand. but if they can't, i can't help it. sorry.
i am paying the price for the thing i used to hate before. serve me right.
but what goes around comes around. i dislike people, and now people dislike me, and later other people will dislike these people who dislike me.

cheers. life is too short to be filled with hatred.
loves.